I recently returned from one of the best holidays I have ever experienced. Dear friends in Sweden took me along with them to a cabin in Norway where we were surrounded by snow-covered mountains and unrivalled winter sunsets.

It was a combination of things that made it the best holiday – the best people to be on holiday with, simple yet good food, cosy cabin, exercise in the crisp, cold air surrounded by natural beauty, games and laughter, time for quietly reading by the fire, literally melting in the sauna… and did I mention the chocolate?

But there were a few more things that happened that made it not only a wonderful holiday, but a special and significant time with God.

One of those things was revelation and transformation in perspective and attitude, coming as answer to prayers I had prayed just before the trip.

For a few years now, my health has not been great. The doctors have not been able to tell me much other than to try a food elimination diet. And as episodes that, at the least made it impossible to think clearly and get work done and at the worst put me in bed increased, I desperately trialled cutting out all gluten and wheat in my diet. It has made a massive difference my energy levels began to return more to normal.

However, I would still have days now and then where I experienced my old enemy of brain fog or even more frequently, I would still return home from a day’s work feeling exhausted and not well enough to work out any more than a gentle pilates or stretching session. And as my weight has increased due to several years of not great health and decreased metabolism, this was hugely discouraging and frustrating. As someone who loves to be in the outdoors and walking up hills, my decreased fitness level was also frustrating. And being in a ministry where I am often dependant on the hospitality of others, it could at times feel quite stressful, never knowing if I would need to eat something that would later on put me in bed for half a day.

Several months ago I had the sudden realisation that it had never even crossed my mind to go for prayer for healing for my health. Whenever I would have a cold I would ask for prayer, especially if it could possibly interfere with ministry. Yet this major burden I had been carrying alone and had not even considered taking it to God!

So I did. I began to ask for healing. Then just before Christmas I went for deeper healing prayer which increased my hope and faith. God spoke quite clearly to me about trusting Him with those occasions where I was not in control of what I ate, not living in fear and stress over it. Then only a few days later I experienced what I knew was what we call those “fiery darts” of the enemy – lie after lie about my body, specifically my image. Something I have never really struggled with that much, even as a teenager. And though I knew they were lies and I asked some friends to pray with me, it still left me quite shaken. However, I came to the realisation that the lies were only highlighting how I was already feeling about my body. I suddenly recognised that for months, if not longer, I had grown so frustrated with my health and weight gain, that I had begun to think quite negatively about my body as well as how I looked. I knew this would not help my body heal and if anything, would only place more stress upon it.

So I began to pray that God would help me to respect my body again, so that I could then grow to love it again.

If I’m honest, I was quite anxious about going to Norway with my friends as I knew we would be cross-country skiing. I had never skied before, which made me nervous about learning, but even more, knowing my fitness level was not where I wanted it to be had me feeling very self-conscious.

The reality was I had nothing to be anxious about. But beyond that, I discovered that I loved cross-country skiing and that it was a sport I was actually a natural at!
Yes, one in particular when we were out for nearly four hours straight, I was very tired at the end. But I could have kept going – because I had never felt more alive! And in those few days of learning how to find my rhythm on skis, something in my heart and mind transformed. My confidence in myself returned and even more, my respect and appreciation for my body returned. As well as a deep gratitude for the health I do have that enables me to be outside where I love to be, taking part in something so life-giving.

And since I have returned home, I have not had the time to work out every day, but I’m not phased by it. I am at ease in my own body and I am now living and making decisions for my health and what brings me life rather than what can change how I look.

And when I finish posting this, I will be preparing for a nice long walk out in a beautiful Scottish forest simply because that is what brings me life, clears the cobwebs and helps me connect even more with God.